If I was told that the past couple of days would be hard and stretching for me – faith and hope wise. I might have disagreed with whoever mentioned this. The weeks prior to when it all began, I felt so grateful and was practically in Thanksgiving mode each day, and through the entire day.

I was thankful for many things, one of it was a difficult and stretching experience I had with the bias in the system. And how God indeed showed up and still showing up and how He made a huge shift in it for us, I just know God indeed showed up and taught us how to navigate it even though some decisions were made with tears (yeah I’m the culprit – for the tears 😁). But the constant choice to stick with God in the journey was worth it all.

For this again ABBA, I am grateful! 🙌🏽

Back to the days that stretched my faith and hope. I have been out of work for some time now. And it felt like despite the time invested, and sacrifices made, to ensure I’m pulling my weight. Also, doing what I need to do per time – “being prepared for the opportunities” as it is being said, that I was hitting a wall.

I got to a point the past week when I was like – God when will this all end? I know and see You doing it for others and You have asked me to rejoice with others which I am glad that He gives me the strength to do this genuinely, despite being in my season of wait.

…….yet Your daughter is here still waiting. What else would You have me do? Because at this point, I don’t know.

I felt like I have done my part countless number of times, yet I am not able to say these are the results I got from doing these things. And it began to feel like all that effort and sacrifice because it has no physical fruit, that I am doing nothing. But I do know what I am doing and how much it demands of me to ensure I do all these things.

Gradually I became unmotivated. All my enthusiasm was being drained, and I just wanted to pass by each day keeping the hope I still had alive, hoping and praying that it gets better.

Gradually I moved from the lane of “hopefully it gets better” to “I believe it will get better”.

Well getting to this lane of believing again didn’t last for long not until I was hit with another report. And I just felt like I was barely standing, and now I have taken another hit. 😁

I am still wondering how I didn’t fall flat like a pile of cards. But well maybe I do know why I didn’t actually. It’s because God kept carrying me through these times, even when I could barely hold things together at my end. I haven’t felt the level of disinterest in many things, the way I felt it.

For once I didn’t know if I even had the right words to encourage someone else. I needed encouragement myself and I wasn’t sure I had any extra to give. Whilst I usually am able to look past myself, cos I have had several moments and seasons when I am hurting and still show up to help another going through a difficult time.

But this particular experience was different, I felt like I had nothing to give. It was not a great place to be. But I am glad that I still showed up in His presence even if all I did was sit it out and kept repeating – Thank you Lord. Help me Jesus. Help me Holy Spirit. (like a broken record 😁)

Because I didn’t know what else to say. And I did this for few days in a row. Again I can only say He held me cos I didn’t even know how I was able to show up to keep our time-out even when I just wanted to bail out of everything. 😢

Well while I am still on my journey to embracing this – that His way may be painful at times because my interest and His will, are clashing. But I can trust that He is always a good good father who loves me, and is very intentional about me. I am important to Him and I can trust His way and will.

And yes at the time of writing this, I am a lot better. And for this I am grateful!

For anyone reading this, who may be struggling to see the hope for what is to come, or having any doubts, my prayer is this:

May you remember how much He loves you. And may you know that His plans are still good, even when it feels the opposite to you in the moment, or in your current experiences.

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“I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.”
‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29‬:‭11‬ ‭MSG‬‬

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You are loved and this is for a fact, it’s not a myth or a possibility – rather it is a fact! 💯

P.S: I wasn’t planning on writing about this, but I was nudged to write and share it on my blog. And in retrospect, my obedience to doing it has been pivotal in my healing journey.

Sometimes all one needs is leaning into Obedience. And whilst these choices don’t always come easy, it is always worth it.

#HCCounsels#